I have a diet to follow now for 6 months. Nothing that I normally would eat. Not at all.
- No more dairy ~ cheese, milk, butter
- No more Cokes.
- No more fried foods.
- No more processed foods.
- No more saturated, trans, hydrogenated, partially hydrogenated fats.
- No more salads ~ or anything green.
- No more juice.
- No more eggs.
- MUCH less chicken, pork and bananas. That's right. Bananas. They contain a small amount of fat. Didn't know that.
- No more Mexican food
- No more pizza
- No more Olive Garden
I've had to quit everything that's normal, cold turkey. Oh! And I can't have much turkey, either! I can have grilled/baked fish, fresh fruits and fresh vegetables. There's really only one vegetable that I would normally eat without it being fried (ie. potatoes) and that's corn. Can't have corn. This sucks.
Let me just say this: Be very careful of what you pray for, and very aware of the blessings you've been given. God sometimes has a sense of humor. I've been so very disgusted with the way I look in pictures, the way I look in clothes. I hate the way I feel when trying to walk any distance. Weight has just been a big issue with me lately. Not to be blamed on birthing a child, either. I just have issues with gaining weight. Never really worried much about it in high school...because I didn't eat. At all. And, when I did, I'd throw it up.
I've never really said that last statement to anyone else before. And, debated on whether to say it now. But, that's who I was...not who I am. So it's ok. I saw my mother struggle with gaining weight the entire time growing up, and I was just determined not to be that person. My grandmother is a large lady, and has to take medicine to correct the taking of other medicine. Ridiculous. I wasn't going to be that person, either. But, over time, it seems as though I'm headed down that road. Not the medicine road, but lovely Weight Gain Avenue. I was scared that nothing would work for me anymore, so I prayed. Not that I tried my best at anything. I'd drink water for most of the day and try to cut out a Coke or two. I would try walking with Braiden in the stroller, but then got too hot and too aggravated with his stroller and our terrain, so I stopped that. I tried cooking a little more at home vs. eating out all the time, but I can't cook. Don't enjoy it. Hate cleaning the kitchen. So, that never lasts long. I didn't really do everything I could do to meet God halfway. But, I did keep complaining and whining about being too fat. So, He's fixing that for me. Yep. He's fixing it.
I've never been so sick in all my life. Seriously. I thought I was going to die a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't break my fever of 104 after a few hours. Wasn't sweating. I was hallucinating. I could see everything that was around me, but it was in a bubble. And my head would swim to each object. I was so scared. I went to a doctor and he was like, "You're sick?". WOW. No, I'm not sick at all. I just really wanted to give you $50.00 to tell me that I look fine. That's why I'm here. I didn't say that to him, but I thought it. A visit or two later, it was determined that I needed my gall bladder out. No health insurance. So, I was sent home to deal with it. "Take the antibiotic, completely change your diet, and let's see if that helps you...oh, and you have a problem with your liver that taking your gall bladder out won't fix, so we'll just hold off and see if this works."
I'm still scared. I'm mad. I'm confused. I'm hungry. I'm exhausted. My stamina is gone. My mother is taking care of my baby because I can't. And she took care of me for over a week, because I couldn't. Ridiculous. 23 more weeks to go...
12 comments:
BLESS YOUR HEART!! Girl, you are going through it. It does stink...but you will get through it...with God and your Mom you are well on your way to 'normal' again. You are in my prayers!
I have been missing you and wondering what was going on!! Girl...wow, I am sorry you are going through all this. AND...LET ME HELP YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY!! Seriously, if your mom needs a break, I will take him...even overnight. I need to get back in the swing of things with little ones anyway. Please don't hesitate to ask.
Food...it is the enemy. And I have absolutely no room to talk.....but I bet, you will get so much better once you can get past eating the bad food, and eating healthy. That is why I am so bad at diets, b/c I am so miserable and grouchy when I cut out the bad food. It is like a drug...and addiction, and your body suffers b/c of it too. I will be praying for you!!!
Would you like to go down to the river market with me? I have been going some to get fresh veggies and fruit, and have really been enjoying it. Lets make it fun, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad to eat! Give me a call, I am here for ya!!
Gosh girl! You have been sick. So what's going on with the liver? I knew that in high school and don't feel bad b/c I did it too. Only a few times though b/c I hate to throw up so much. Yes, I SOOOOOOOOO know how you feel. Doctors just keep telling me that I can lose weight if I want, but I will never be the size I was in high school after having two kids and both my parents are big. Genetics they say. I thought in high school that I had beat genetics. Boy did I have a rude awakening when the scales are now at 274. Yes, that is right..I said it. I'm a whale and don't want to embarrass my kids b/c I was always embarrassed that my mom was bigger than some other pretty moms. Here I am and I know or feel that my kids are thinking the same thing. I WANT to lose weight, but want to blink and it be gone and don't want to actually have to do anything to achieve that goal. I just want to get back in a size 12. I was an 8 when Chris and I met. I think you are beautiful and I don't feel you are fat at all. You are like me as far as cooking and eating out, especially right now when we have boxes in the kitchen everywhere! Hang in there girl and keep us posted about how you are feeling.
Love ya!
Yeah, I am the same way about cooking too...I hate it, and don't like anything I cook.
Heather....what you said reminded me of something I have been thinking about posting. Last week, after swim practice, Noah said to me, "Mom, do you think you could start exercising...I noticed that all the grownups that were at the pool today were skinny." Clay and I have been talking about it, and we didn't realize that our kids notice, and we were both devastated. My parents were thin and his mom too when were growing up, so we don't know what that is like. That has been so heavy on our minds lately. And, I am tired of being too tired to do physical stuff with our kids, and feeling like crap all the time. I think we all need to change together. And Heather...how brave of you to say your weight....don't feel bad, I am not far behind that myself at all, but I don't have the nerve to say mine. I should, maybe that would make me do something about it.
And in high school, I didn't throw up, but I did starve myself. I convinced myself that no boy would ever want me b/c I was fat. I had myself convinced that I deserved to go to bed with my stomach growling, that if it didn't feel that way, I was a loser. And I really wasn't at the time...I weight almost 100 lbs less than I do now!
Dena, you have really been heavy on my mind last night, and I am praying for you. I know you can do it, and hopefully your honesty will help encourage others!
I only have a minute, so I had to just glace, so I don't know if this was an option - (I will come back and read when I have more time)...but having my gall bladder out was the best and easiest surgery ever! I love that I can eat whatever now and not stress - is that an option? I will come back and read more through! Good luck!
You guys are so awesome! Maury & Heather...I can't say everything that's in my heart right now. Just know that I love you both and you've so encouraged me. Thank you, Tara for the sweet comment and for your prayers. Yep...I'm sitting at 202.0 lbs. That's insane. And...that's of today. Just think what it was 18 days ago before all this liver and gall bladder stuff happened. I don't even know how heavy I was. I do know that my size 2x shirts are too big and need a couple rides thru our dryer...which I'm liking. But, this is a horrible way to get rid of the weight.
I'm so connected with you guys over this episode in my life. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for encouragement. Thank you for reading and posting comments. Thank you all for being you...
Love to you all.
girl you are welcome! maybe we can all start some kind of support system on here (for getting healthy). i definately need encouragement b/c chris doesn't care if i'm as big as a house(or so he says) and he is right there with me on our eating habits. I know that isn't healthy for the kids either, especially Lauren b/c she is obviously taking after my side of the fam. :)
Hang in there girl. You can do it...you are such a strong minded woman. Eating healthy and exercising always makes me feel better. But it never lasts for me. I always do good for a week or so and then slowly fall out of line again. It is always up and down with me....I am ready to stay up! Get online and search for recipes and dishes of stuff you can eat. For the meantime mixing it up a bit and trying it new ways may help. You are on my mind and just know I am thinking about you!!
I wish I hadn't been sick with my stomach problems yesterday so I could have read this earlier!!! I have been having lots of problems with my stomach too, and I went in to do the testing of my gall bladder and all that jazz, and they say that is not what is wrong with me. I was sick two nights ago with my stomach, and couldn't even make it to work yesterday. I also think that a lot of mine has to do with my diet as well. Just like Maury, Heather, and you, when I actually do cook, I don't like it, so we always resort to eating out which is very unhealthy. And I do it over and over again. Mind you not, all of my friends are skinny little girls, size 2 and 4, and everytime I mention my weight, they respond with " You just had a baby" because I know that they don't want to hurt my feelings. As much as I wish that could be the reason I am overweight, I know it is only an excuse.. Oakley is 9 months old. I feel all alone because I have no close friends who are overweight. Maybe we should all make ourselves get together and exercise!!!!! We need some motivation! And I am so sorry that you are so limited on what you can eat! Poor thing! Let me know if you need anything at all! You are definitely in my thoughts!
Ok, sorry, now I've read through again and I see the problem with the surgery. MAN! I don't know what I would do...but I know you can do that diet, I know it! You are one determined mama when you put your mind to something and I know you can do this!
One positive - it's the right season for fruits and veggies - do they have a farmers market in Mamelle? That would be great and you can eat a lot of watermelons and strawberries that are in season right now! Try making slushes with them and that might take some places of the cokes - I feel your pain there! I had switched to caffine free coke 2 (brutal) weeks before my gall-stone attack and I'm so glad that I did, because now it's not a big deal to me.
You can email me if you need any place to vent or anything, I can't do much from here, I wish I could! I'll have to find some yummy veggie or fruit salad recipes for you!
Oh wow Dena...when you told me you had been sick today, I never imagined all of this. I hate it so bad, and I know it has to be hard not to be able to take care of Braiden like you are used to. If you need ANYTHING, please let me know. I am praying for you to have strength, courage, and peace during this time. You are right, sometimes God has a sense of humor and pours things into our lives that are so hard to understand. I will be praying that you will sense His presence through all of this. Again, please let me know if I can keep Braiden or run errands for you...anything!!
Wow, Dena, you're amazing. I gone through some eating disorders as well. Long time ago, but it's still a bad memory. Again, you're amazing. Dealing with health issues is tough. Good luck and may God bless you even more.
Post a Comment